The 24th annual International Gay & Lesbian Leadership Conference returns to a brand new Washington, D.C. this year. After the Nov. 4 presidential election, some politicians will be packing their bags while others start to move in, making late 2008 an exciting time to be in the nation's capital for people across the country as well as international visitors.
Check it out:
http://www.glli.org/files/conference2008/
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Amazingest Game Ever
If you've ever wanted to be a sushi chef, but didn't know how, here's the deal:
http://www.miniclip.com/games/sushi-go-round/en/
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
All your questions about CA marriage answered here...
For example,
In 2004, many couples were married in San Francisco, and the California Supreme Court subsequently held that those marriages were invalid. Does the court’s new decision mean that those marriages will now be legally recognized?
No. Those marriages remain invalid, and those couples would have to remarry.
For the rest of the Q&A, go here:
http://data.lambdalegal.org/publications/downloads/fs_marriage-for-same-sex-couples-in-california.pdf
In 2004, many couples were married in San Francisco, and the California Supreme Court subsequently held that those marriages were invalid. Does the court’s new decision mean that those marriages will now be legally recognized?
No. Those marriages remain invalid, and those couples would have to remarry.
For the rest of the Q&A, go here:
http://data.lambdalegal.org
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Richard and I can now get married in CA!!!
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- The California Supreme Court has overturned a ban on gay marriage, paving the way for California to become the second state where gay and lesbian residents can marry.
The justices released the 4-3 decision Thursday, saying that domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage in an opinion written by Chief Justice Ron George.
The cases were brought by the city of San Francisco, two dozen gay and lesbian couples, Equality California and another gay rights group in March 2004 after the court halted San Francisco's monthlong same-sex wedding march that took place at Mayor Gavin Newsom's direction.
CA Supreme Court to rule on Gay Marriage
Everyone pay attention! At 10am PST the court will rule. Early indications look positive, but you never know...
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/15/BAMH10MC8M.DTL&tsp=1
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/15/BAMH10MC8M.DTL&tsp=1
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tony Award Nominations Up
Don't know who this guy is, but a funny pic nonetheless...
You can check them out at NY Times.com here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/13/theater/theaterspecial/13tonyslist.html
My friend Keren profiled on A photo editor -- Go Keren!
My friend Keren is great, so this was due...
http://aphotoeditor.com/2008/05/12/keren-sachs-director-of-photography/
http://aphotoeditor.com/2008/05/12/keren-sachs-director-of-photography/
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Upcoming Talkshow Guests
5/13
Bill Moyers on The Daily Show
5/16
Bernadette Peters on The View
5/19
Jonathan Rhys Meyers on Regis & Kelly
Bill Moyers on The Daily Show
5/16
Bernadette Peters on The View
5/19
Jonathan Rhys Meyers on Regis & Kelly
I guess my question is...why do we care so much about Marc Jacobs?
What has he ever done for me?
http://gawke
r.com/387682/the-many-loves-of-marc-jacobs
Seriously though, it would be great if we instead highlighted gays and lesbians who did more than just have lots of sex. Granted, it's Gawker, so it's not to be taken too seriously. But there are plenty of LGBT role models that go unnoticed. And plenty of issues to discuss. One of which is our health care system, especially the health care system for trans folks. The Sylvia Rivera Law Project put out an interesting article on the topic here:
http://www.srlp.org/
"This article explores how Medicaid policies that exclude or limit coverage for transition-related health care for transgender people reproduce hierarchies of race and class."
I probably should have made this two different posts, but I wanted to show that there are real problems we could be discussing instead of just looking at Marc Jacobs.
http://gawke
r.com/387682/the-many-loves-of-marc-jacobsSeriously though, it would be great if we instead highlighted gays and lesbians who did more than just have lots of sex. Granted, it's Gawker, so it's not to be taken too seriously. But there are plenty of LGBT role models that go unnoticed. And plenty of issues to discuss. One of which is our health care system, especially the health care system for trans folks. The Sylvia Rivera Law Project put out an interesting article on the topic here:
http://www.srlp.org/
"This article explores how Medicaid policies that exclude or limit coverage for transition-related health care for transgender people reproduce hierarchies of race and class."
I probably should have made this two different posts, but I wanted to show that there are real problems we could be discussing instead of just looking at Marc Jacobs.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Openly-gay U.S. senate candidate loses primary bid
Oh well, maybe next time. It's still great that Jim Neal was able to get nearly 20% of the vote...
http://results.enr.clarityelections.com/NC/1875/3985/en/summary.html
http://results.enr.clarityelections.com/NC/1875/3985/en/summary.html
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
My new favorite Web site...
If you liked SimCity, which I did, you'll like this. It was nominated for a Webby and teaches sustainable development through gaming. Work will go by so much faster now!
http://www.electrocity.co.nz/
Also, check out the other Webby nominees (voting's now closed, but they're still worth a look). Makes you realize how much great stuff is out there...
http://www.webbyawards.com/webbys/current.php?season=12
Happy Sunday!
http://www.electrocity.co.nz/
Also, check out the other Webby nominees (voting's now closed, but they're still worth a look). Makes you realize how much great stuff is out there...
http://www.webbyawards.com/webbys/current.php?season=12
Happy Sunday!
The Gas Tax Policy Debate Explained
This is a good primer to show why Barack's right and Hillary McClinton is wrong. Thank you factcheck.org, my new favorite Web site.
http://www.factcheck.org/gas_price_fixes_that_wont.html
http://www.factcheck.org/gas_price_fixes_that_wont.html
Friday, May 2, 2008
Notable upcoming TV appearances...
May 2:
* Anderson Cooper looks at what types of presidents Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would make. Ahem...
* Sally Field on Jay Leno
May 5:
* Patrick Stewart will be appearing on Charlie Rose.
May 7:
* Christina Ricci on Jimmy Kimmel. Don't like him, but love her!
May 9:
* Best for last: Mariah Carey on The View.
* Anderson Cooper looks at what types of presidents Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would make. Ahem...
* Sally Field on Jay Leno
May 5:
* Patrick Stewart will be appearing on Charlie Rose.
May 7:
* Christina Ricci on Jimmy Kimmel. Don't like him, but love her!
May 9:
* Best for last: Mariah Carey on The View.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
NLGJA Panel on Sex Scandals
The panel last night at CUNY went extremely well! We had a great turnout and the conversation was, to say the least, very stimulating. Jamie Fox, former chief of staff to ex-Gov. McGreevey, Alfred Doblin, editorial page director for The 
Record in New Jersey, Jay DeDapper, political reporter for WNBC, and Rashad Robinson of GLAAD each offered great insights into recent, and not-so-recent sex scandals. I thought the best part was how the panel dissected the McGreevey affair from each of their perspectives: insider, reporters, advocacy organization. It presented a fascinating portrait of how media events get covered. And it was great to have all the CUNY J-School students there to participate. All around a terrific event! See pix below
Record in New Jersey, Jay DeDapper, political reporter for WNBC, and Rashad Robinson of GLAAD each offered great insights into recent, and not-so-recent sex scandals. I thought the best part was how the panel dissected the McGreevey affair from each of their perspectives: insider, reporters, advocacy organization. It presented a fascinating portrait of how media events get covered. And it was great to have all the CUNY J-School students there to participate. All around a terrific event! See pix below
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
LGBT Equality & Justice Day in Albany
Today, April 29, is LGBT Equality & Justice Day in Albany. More than 1200 LGBT and straight New Yorkers from all across the state are in Albany today to lobby their state reps on marriage equality, gender expression non-discrimination legislation and anti-bullying measures for New York State schools. It's the first time New Yorkers have come together from across the state to lobby on LGBT issues since last year’s historic vote in the Assembly on the marriage bill.
Go to Empire State Pride Agenda's Web site to see how you can get involved...
http://eqfed.org/campaign/eandjday_2008/wbxu3xg4a76bewjw?
Go to Empire State Pride Agenda's Web site to see how you can get involved...
http://eqfed.org/campaign/eandjday_2008/wbxu3xg4a76bewjw?
Here's a job I'm sure no one will apply for...
Public Affairs and Communications Officer - Global Development
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation
http://www.idealist.org/en/job/276115-205
Monday, April 28, 2008
2008 International Gay & Lesbian Leadership Conference
December 4th, 2008 - December 7th, 2008, 5:00 pm - 12:00 pmRegardless of whether the race for the 2008 White House winds up going red or blue, the departure of President George W. Bush and a newly elected Congress will ensure a massive overhaul of the federal government. As some politicians pack their bags while others start to move in, late 2008 will be an exciting time to be in the nation's capitol.
The 2008 International Gay & Lesbian Leadership Conference, held at the historic Mayflower Hotel, will offer attendees an opportunity to discuss the results of the election with their peers, develop legislative strategies and discuss the future of the LGBT movement.
To find out more, go to: http://www.victoryfund.org/about_us/events/id:17
Interesting article on geopolitics
The former PM of Portugal talks about how things are, well, going to shit...
http://www.nationmedia.com/eastafrican/current/Opinion/oped280420084.htm
http://www.nationmedia.com/eastafrican/current/Opinion/oped280420084.htm
Sex, Lies & Journalists - Panel Event for Gay Journalists from NLGJA
On Wednesday, I'm moderating a panel at CUNY J-School called "Sex, Lies & Journalists: What We've Learned From the McGreevey and Spitzer Sex Scandals".
The event's discussion will focus on how the media covers same-sex adultery vs. opposite-sex adultery. It will also explore the issues that come up as a gay person covering such storeis. if you want to find out more, click on the link below....click already!
http://www.nlgjany.org/
The event's discussion will focus on how the media covers same-sex adultery vs. opposite-sex adultery. It will also explore the issues that come up as a gay person covering such storeis. if you want to find out more, click on the link below....click already!
http://www.nlgjany.org/
Sunday, April 27, 2008
NY Times Magazine Article...thoughts?
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/27/magazine/27young-t.html?ex=1367035200&en=05663d4954222c20&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Personal Finance for Us Gays
I can't wait to walk down the aisle with my boyfriend. Since we've been together almost three years now, it's only natural that we'd love to show the world we want to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, since we're gay, such an event would only be ceremonial: the federal government doesn't recognize same-sex relationships and who's knows when they will.
In the absence of a political miracle that sees gay U.S. Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) enter the presidential race and legislate same-sex marriage, I figured I'd talk to some people and see what my options are. Before I propose, or accept, I want to know what I'm getting into.
What I found out - to be brief - is that the more patience I have, the more options I have. Just like old folks planning for their retirement, I too can make sure my boyfriend gets money from my 401(k) should I pass away. I can own an apartment 50/50 with a partner and even share the mortgage tax benefit. And if we have kids, we can both have legal rights guaranteeing our children can't be taken away by the state or another family member - even if we separate.
The key? Document everything.
"If it's not documented, then you can't rely on any formal structure to help you or to prove your case," says Debra Neiman, a certified financial planner in Massachusetts who helped start the PridePlanners Association, a group of financial planners serving the gay and lesbian community. "If it's not on paper, there are no guarantees for anything."
That's not say your relationship should be all about spreadsheets and calculators. Not at all. But if you and your partner are serious about making a life commitment, you need to hammer out the basics surrounding your money, house, health and children (optional). Older gays and lesbians didn't have the luxury of talking openly about relationship planning, but us young folks do and we need to start planning.
First and foremost: the federal government does not provide any benefits to same-sex couples, nada, zip, zero. Some states provide protections to same-sex couples. Massachusetts' same-sex marriage law puts gays and lesbians on equal footing with their straight counterparts. Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Oregon and California all grant the equivalent of state-level spousal rights to same-sex couples under civil unions or domestic partnerships. And Washington, Maine, Hawaii and the District of Columbia allow same-sex couples some rights given to straight married couples. Everywhere else, nothing.
Still, you don't want to count on the kindness of a random judge to decide whether your decade of mortgage payments qualifies toward ownership of your apartment, or if that car your ex promised you actually becomes yours. You want to know for sure. Where to start? Write up a domestic partner agreement.
A domestic partner agreement can be as specific or general as you want. Ultimately, it's a road map for your relationship, and like a map, it shows where you are now and where you hope to be later. If you have a car, say whose it is and outline who pays what for it. If you own an apartment, detail the mortgage payments and who gets the tax benefits that come along with the property. If one pays all the mortgage and the other takes care of the kids - and that couple equates the two - spell that out so a judge knows that the parties in the relationship see one another as equals. Some couples also outline what assets would be divided, and how, should they split up.
Doing all this allows both people in the relationship to assess themselves, what they have and what they want. Getting all this out in the open is essential to making plans. Being as upfront and honest about your financial positions is essential to coming up with an agreement that both people are happy with.
You'll need a lawyer to draw up a domestic partner agreement that will stand up in court. Financial planners even recommend that each person in the relationship retain his or her own counsel so as to satisfy a judge who could claim that one member in the relationship was coerced into consenting to the agreement.
"You're either very prepared or very aware or you don't want to think about it (financial planning)," says John Fairbanks, financial advisor with Smith Barney in Hartford, Ct. He says a lot of young people in committed relationships figure they'll start planning after they turn 40. Problem is, that may be too late.
Let's start with what you can do with everyday things, like bank accounts, 401(k)s, credit cards, cars and health care.
So how should you handle your money? Open a joint account, keep separate accounts? Those in a serious relationship probably want some way to pay for bills together and buy groceries, so a shared account comes in handy. This part's actually not so hard. A lot of financial planners tell you that the best relationships are those where those involved feel equal - so having your own money in addition to sharing funds is a great way to go. Just be careful in the joint account: if one person deposits $15,000 and the other only puts in $100, then you're liable to pay the federal gift tax --which is a whopping 50% on anything over $12,000 -- on the difference. The solution? Keep most of your assets in separate accounts and contribute equally, either on a percentage or per-dollar basis, to the joint account. Remember, document that there's a 50/50 divide. A simple account statement will suffice.
Dealing with your 401(k) account at work is even easier. You can list anyone as the beneficiary for your savings, just contact your human resources department and fill out the appropriate form. Just be sure to keep an eye on the form should you split up with your partner: you don't want your ex walking away with a hefty some just because you forgot to keep the form current!
Credit cards aren't that tricky either. You can always put another person on your account, usually for a fee, regardless of your relationship. But be careful: credit is debt. If you sign on to the account, and your partner bails or can't pay the bills, you may be liable. One advantage of being an unmarried couple is that your credit ratings remain separate, so if one of you needs to rehabilitate your credit rating, there's breathing room to do so: while the person with good credit borrows the money the other can pay him/her back without having to involve creditors.
Speaking of creditors, be careful if you and your hubby want to buy a car. Sure it seems like a no-brainer: how else are you going to get from your living room to the grocery store? And for new couples, buying a car can be the first "major" joint purchase. But know your partner before you do this cause if he/she has nothing, and the car is under joint ownership, you're the one who's obligated to pay out if you're sued. Joint ownership sounds great at first, but it is what it is: joint ownership.
Health care for unmarried, same-sex couples can be simple if the right precautions are taken. First and foremost, a couple needs to get a health care proxy, which is a document that outlines the rights of a same-sex partner in the absence of laws recognizing this person as a spouse.
"If you don't have a health care proxy that lets your partner visit you in the hospital, any hospital can turn you away," says Todd Sears, a financial planner who runs Merrill Lynch's LGBT initiative. He suggests filing your health care proxy with the nearest hospital - the one to which you'd be taken in a 911 emergency. Also, carry a shrunken-down version of the document to fit in your wallet and save a copy of the health care proxy in your portable email account to have handy while traveling.
As for health care benefits, you should check with your employer if they offer domestic partner options. If yes, be aware that the monthly payments you pay to add your partner onto your plan will be taxed, unlike married couples. Same-sex couples aren't alone though: employers providing domestic partner benefits also pay federal tax to provide you with the health care. This all may change soon though. Legislation in Congress is currently in the works to make benefits granted to unmarried couples equal to those who are married.
Now let's talk property.
There are a few things you have to be aware of if you want to share an asset like a house or apartment. First, know what you can afford. If you and your partner have an equal income, it probably makes sense to own your property under joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. This method allows for a house or apartment to be transferred to a partner in the event one dies. It also clearly shows that both members have an equal stake in the property. If you and your partner aren't paying equal amounts, you might want to consider being tenants in common. This allows for multiple parties to own an asset at different percentages. When someone dies, his/her share goes into his/her estate, and a will then directs to whom that percentage should go to. One caveat here: write a separate addendum that explains the ownership, such as who pays what percentage or dollar amount.
No matter how you structure the mortgage payments, one thing is clear: the first name on the deed is the one who's responsible to pay taxes on the property. Neiman recommends that couples share the mortgage tax benefits exactly the way the way they pay the mortgage. So, if a couple splits the mortgage 50/50 and gets a $25,000 rebate, they should evenly divide that pot for $12,500 each. If you want to employ some strategy here, you should put the lower-earner's name first on the deed for the house. Since they earn less, they'll likely be assessed in a lower tax bracket and qualify for a larger rebate.
Things are a bit different if you already own a home or apartment and want to make your partner an equal owner. Most likely what you'll have to do is slowly, over time, gift your partner half the value of the house. So you first have to determine what your net equity in the home is and then divide that by 2. So let's say your net equity is $100,000, that means you'd need to gift your partner $50,000. But since you can only gift $12,000 per year to someone, it'll take you a little over four years to make finalize the 50/50 division. So the best option is to start out putting a property in tenancy in common, where you can easily define the percentages owned by each individual, and once that's done, go straight into joint tenancy.
So once you've got the house, now you're ready for the kids. Although it would be great to think same-sex couples can raise their kids wherever they want, it makes sense to investigate which states aren't likely to try to take your kids away. According to Lambda Legal, a law firm specializing in gay & lesbian cases, about half the states in the U.S. allow for second parent adoption - where the unmarried partner of an existing legal parent petitions to adopt the child in question. There is also stepparent adoption, which allows a person to adopt his/her partner's child if the rights of the other parent have been terminated. What is less clear is whether same-sex couples can jointly adopt a child. So far, this has been taken up on a case-by-case basis nationwide. For more info, go to www.lambdalegal.org.
The most essential thing to do if you have kids is to write up a parenting agreement. This legal document is like a domestic partner agreement in that it should detail all parties responsible for raising the child and how many resources (money, time, sperm/egg) they've given toward the child. And don't forget to spell out what should happen to the children should the couple split up. Outlining all this can save a lot of trouble in the courts, and allow you to determine what happens to your children, not a judge.
Now not to be a downer, but this story can't end without at least mentioning estate planning and retirement, especially because so much can be done ahead of time.
The easiest step, according to Smith Barney's Fairbanks, is to make sure your company is fully funding your 401(k) and that you're matching all those deposits. Losing out on that "easy money" is jeopardizing how much money you'll have when you're older. And don't be intimidated to make an appointment with a financial planner, even just to ask questions. Many financial planners will book clients for one-to-two hour sessions just to assess where they're at and start thinking about where they want to be.
Beyond that, same-sex couples can use the same retirement tools used by straight couples. There are no laws against saving money!
As for a starting point with estate planning, it's never too early to draw up a will. If you're considering that, you really should set up a trust in which you get to designate how your assets are managed once they're allocated.
A will has limits: it says who gets what, but not what they do with it. Trusts allow greater freedom for the grantor (the person creating the trust) and the beneficiaries. There are many types of trusts, such as ones that can and can't be changed after someone dies, but ultimately they're favored over wills because they have tax advantages. And if you're worried that setting up a trust costs too much, you can stipulate in your will that, upon your death, a trust be set up with certain assets. That's an easy and cost-effective way to make sure your loved ones aren't fighting each other for your house, car or kids.
If all you care about is that your partner gets the house or car, and you don't have the money to pay anyone to draw up a stack of legal documents, there's always the payable-on-death (POD) or transfer-on-death (TOD) options. Essentially what these do is take a jointly-owned asset and, upon one of the party's death, ensure the transfer to the survivor. Almost all states allow assets sold at banks and brokerages, like CDs or money market accounts, to be POD or TOD. You just have to fill out a form and list a specific someone as the beneficiary, and then all he/she needs is a certificate of death and then he/she can claim the asset. Only a handful of states though allow for TOD on vehicles and real estate, so be sure to find out where your state stands.
Let's say after reading all this you absolutely don't want to plan or do any of what I've just talked about in this article. Well, there's always Canada, or Spain or South Africa - countries where same-sex marriage is legal. But don't think that if you move to Canada your problems will end there: any time you leave the country, you're an unmarried couple with little-to-no rights. You'll still need a health care proxy, at the very least.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how much you and your partner want to integrate your lives. If you want to stop at the car, that's fine. But everyone in all types of situations can protect him or herself by taking a step back and planning for all the curves life may throw at you.
"You need to communicate as you become more involved," Fairbanks says. "If you decide to do anything on a joint basis, there needs to be full disclosure."
In the absence of a political miracle that sees gay U.S. Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) enter the presidential race and legislate same-sex marriage, I figured I'd talk to some people and see what my options are. Before I propose, or accept, I want to know what I'm getting into.
What I found out - to be brief - is that the more patience I have, the more options I have. Just like old folks planning for their retirement, I too can make sure my boyfriend gets money from my 401(k) should I pass away. I can own an apartment 50/50 with a partner and even share the mortgage tax benefit. And if we have kids, we can both have legal rights guaranteeing our children can't be taken away by the state or another family member - even if we separate.
The key? Document everything.
"If it's not documented, then you can't rely on any formal structure to help you or to prove your case," says Debra Neiman, a certified financial planner in Massachusetts who helped start the PridePlanners Association, a group of financial planners serving the gay and lesbian community. "If it's not on paper, there are no guarantees for anything."
That's not say your relationship should be all about spreadsheets and calculators. Not at all. But if you and your partner are serious about making a life commitment, you need to hammer out the basics surrounding your money, house, health and children (optional). Older gays and lesbians didn't have the luxury of talking openly about relationship planning, but us young folks do and we need to start planning.
First and foremost: the federal government does not provide any benefits to same-sex couples, nada, zip, zero. Some states provide protections to same-sex couples. Massachusetts' same-sex marriage law puts gays and lesbians on equal footing with their straight counterparts. Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Oregon and California all grant the equivalent of state-level spousal rights to same-sex couples under civil unions or domestic partnerships. And Washington, Maine, Hawaii and the District of Columbia allow same-sex couples some rights given to straight married couples. Everywhere else, nothing.
Still, you don't want to count on the kindness of a random judge to decide whether your decade of mortgage payments qualifies toward ownership of your apartment, or if that car your ex promised you actually becomes yours. You want to know for sure. Where to start? Write up a domestic partner agreement.
A domestic partner agreement can be as specific or general as you want. Ultimately, it's a road map for your relationship, and like a map, it shows where you are now and where you hope to be later. If you have a car, say whose it is and outline who pays what for it. If you own an apartment, detail the mortgage payments and who gets the tax benefits that come along with the property. If one pays all the mortgage and the other takes care of the kids - and that couple equates the two - spell that out so a judge knows that the parties in the relationship see one another as equals. Some couples also outline what assets would be divided, and how, should they split up.
Doing all this allows both people in the relationship to assess themselves, what they have and what they want. Getting all this out in the open is essential to making plans. Being as upfront and honest about your financial positions is essential to coming up with an agreement that both people are happy with.
You'll need a lawyer to draw up a domestic partner agreement that will stand up in court. Financial planners even recommend that each person in the relationship retain his or her own counsel so as to satisfy a judge who could claim that one member in the relationship was coerced into consenting to the agreement.
"You're either very prepared or very aware or you don't want to think about it (financial planning)," says John Fairbanks, financial advisor with Smith Barney in Hartford, Ct. He says a lot of young people in committed relationships figure they'll start planning after they turn 40. Problem is, that may be too late.
Let's start with what you can do with everyday things, like bank accounts, 401(k)s, credit cards, cars and health care.
So how should you handle your money? Open a joint account, keep separate accounts? Those in a serious relationship probably want some way to pay for bills together and buy groceries, so a shared account comes in handy. This part's actually not so hard. A lot of financial planners tell you that the best relationships are those where those involved feel equal - so having your own money in addition to sharing funds is a great way to go. Just be careful in the joint account: if one person deposits $15,000 and the other only puts in $100, then you're liable to pay the federal gift tax --which is a whopping 50% on anything over $12,000 -- on the difference. The solution? Keep most of your assets in separate accounts and contribute equally, either on a percentage or per-dollar basis, to the joint account. Remember, document that there's a 50/50 divide. A simple account statement will suffice.
Dealing with your 401(k) account at work is even easier. You can list anyone as the beneficiary for your savings, just contact your human resources department and fill out the appropriate form. Just be sure to keep an eye on the form should you split up with your partner: you don't want your ex walking away with a hefty some just because you forgot to keep the form current!
Credit cards aren't that tricky either. You can always put another person on your account, usually for a fee, regardless of your relationship. But be careful: credit is debt. If you sign on to the account, and your partner bails or can't pay the bills, you may be liable. One advantage of being an unmarried couple is that your credit ratings remain separate, so if one of you needs to rehabilitate your credit rating, there's breathing room to do so: while the person with good credit borrows the money the other can pay him/her back without having to involve creditors.
Speaking of creditors, be careful if you and your hubby want to buy a car. Sure it seems like a no-brainer: how else are you going to get from your living room to the grocery store? And for new couples, buying a car can be the first "major" joint purchase. But know your partner before you do this cause if he/she has nothing, and the car is under joint ownership, you're the one who's obligated to pay out if you're sued. Joint ownership sounds great at first, but it is what it is: joint ownership.
Health care for unmarried, same-sex couples can be simple if the right precautions are taken. First and foremost, a couple needs to get a health care proxy, which is a document that outlines the rights of a same-sex partner in the absence of laws recognizing this person as a spouse.
"If you don't have a health care proxy that lets your partner visit you in the hospital, any hospital can turn you away," says Todd Sears, a financial planner who runs Merrill Lynch's LGBT initiative. He suggests filing your health care proxy with the nearest hospital - the one to which you'd be taken in a 911 emergency. Also, carry a shrunken-down version of the document to fit in your wallet and save a copy of the health care proxy in your portable email account to have handy while traveling.
As for health care benefits, you should check with your employer if they offer domestic partner options. If yes, be aware that the monthly payments you pay to add your partner onto your plan will be taxed, unlike married couples. Same-sex couples aren't alone though: employers providing domestic partner benefits also pay federal tax to provide you with the health care. This all may change soon though. Legislation in Congress is currently in the works to make benefits granted to unmarried couples equal to those who are married.
Now let's talk property.
There are a few things you have to be aware of if you want to share an asset like a house or apartment. First, know what you can afford. If you and your partner have an equal income, it probably makes sense to own your property under joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. This method allows for a house or apartment to be transferred to a partner in the event one dies. It also clearly shows that both members have an equal stake in the property. If you and your partner aren't paying equal amounts, you might want to consider being tenants in common. This allows for multiple parties to own an asset at different percentages. When someone dies, his/her share goes into his/her estate, and a will then directs to whom that percentage should go to. One caveat here: write a separate addendum that explains the ownership, such as who pays what percentage or dollar amount.
No matter how you structure the mortgage payments, one thing is clear: the first name on the deed is the one who's responsible to pay taxes on the property. Neiman recommends that couples share the mortgage tax benefits exactly the way the way they pay the mortgage. So, if a couple splits the mortgage 50/50 and gets a $25,000 rebate, they should evenly divide that pot for $12,500 each. If you want to employ some strategy here, you should put the lower-earner's name first on the deed for the house. Since they earn less, they'll likely be assessed in a lower tax bracket and qualify for a larger rebate.
Things are a bit different if you already own a home or apartment and want to make your partner an equal owner. Most likely what you'll have to do is slowly, over time, gift your partner half the value of the house. So you first have to determine what your net equity in the home is and then divide that by 2. So let's say your net equity is $100,000, that means you'd need to gift your partner $50,000. But since you can only gift $12,000 per year to someone, it'll take you a little over four years to make finalize the 50/50 division. So the best option is to start out putting a property in tenancy in common, where you can easily define the percentages owned by each individual, and once that's done, go straight into joint tenancy.
So once you've got the house, now you're ready for the kids. Although it would be great to think same-sex couples can raise their kids wherever they want, it makes sense to investigate which states aren't likely to try to take your kids away. According to Lambda Legal, a law firm specializing in gay & lesbian cases, about half the states in the U.S. allow for second parent adoption - where the unmarried partner of an existing legal parent petitions to adopt the child in question. There is also stepparent adoption, which allows a person to adopt his/her partner's child if the rights of the other parent have been terminated. What is less clear is whether same-sex couples can jointly adopt a child. So far, this has been taken up on a case-by-case basis nationwide. For more info, go to www.lambdalegal.org.
The most essential thing to do if you have kids is to write up a parenting agreement. This legal document is like a domestic partner agreement in that it should detail all parties responsible for raising the child and how many resources (money, time, sperm/egg) they've given toward the child. And don't forget to spell out what should happen to the children should the couple split up. Outlining all this can save a lot of trouble in the courts, and allow you to determine what happens to your children, not a judge.
Now not to be a downer, but this story can't end without at least mentioning estate planning and retirement, especially because so much can be done ahead of time.
The easiest step, according to Smith Barney's Fairbanks, is to make sure your company is fully funding your 401(k) and that you're matching all those deposits. Losing out on that "easy money" is jeopardizing how much money you'll have when you're older. And don't be intimidated to make an appointment with a financial planner, even just to ask questions. Many financial planners will book clients for one-to-two hour sessions just to assess where they're at and start thinking about where they want to be.
Beyond that, same-sex couples can use the same retirement tools used by straight couples. There are no laws against saving money!
As for a starting point with estate planning, it's never too early to draw up a will. If you're considering that, you really should set up a trust in which you get to designate how your assets are managed once they're allocated.
A will has limits: it says who gets what, but not what they do with it. Trusts allow greater freedom for the grantor (the person creating the trust) and the beneficiaries. There are many types of trusts, such as ones that can and can't be changed after someone dies, but ultimately they're favored over wills because they have tax advantages. And if you're worried that setting up a trust costs too much, you can stipulate in your will that, upon your death, a trust be set up with certain assets. That's an easy and cost-effective way to make sure your loved ones aren't fighting each other for your house, car or kids.
If all you care about is that your partner gets the house or car, and you don't have the money to pay anyone to draw up a stack of legal documents, there's always the payable-on-death (POD) or transfer-on-death (TOD) options. Essentially what these do is take a jointly-owned asset and, upon one of the party's death, ensure the transfer to the survivor. Almost all states allow assets sold at banks and brokerages, like CDs or money market accounts, to be POD or TOD. You just have to fill out a form and list a specific someone as the beneficiary, and then all he/she needs is a certificate of death and then he/she can claim the asset. Only a handful of states though allow for TOD on vehicles and real estate, so be sure to find out where your state stands.
Let's say after reading all this you absolutely don't want to plan or do any of what I've just talked about in this article. Well, there's always Canada, or Spain or South Africa - countries where same-sex marriage is legal. But don't think that if you move to Canada your problems will end there: any time you leave the country, you're an unmarried couple with little-to-no rights. You'll still need a health care proxy, at the very least.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how much you and your partner want to integrate your lives. If you want to stop at the car, that's fine. But everyone in all types of situations can protect him or herself by taking a step back and planning for all the curves life may throw at you.
"You need to communicate as you become more involved," Fairbanks says. "If you decide to do anything on a joint basis, there needs to be full disclosure."
What this blog is about....
Hi Everyone! So I want this blog to be about everything gay: gay people, friends of gays, gay lives, gay enemies, gay politics...you name it. What I want to get across is the diversity of the gay population. Like other groups, "gay" has been narrowed down to a stereotype and I hope to get away from that here. Expect to see postings on everything: great restaurants, hot vacation spots, interesting articles and, of course, good porn.
We'll try to get an international perspective on things, with authors from all over the world.
My hope is to build a community of like-minded people who enjoy coming to the site because it's comfortable and yet diverse.
Alex
We'll try to get an international perspective on things, with authors from all over the world.
My hope is to build a community of like-minded people who enjoy coming to the site because it's comfortable and yet diverse.
Alex
Welcome!
The New Gay Hanky Code will start accepting submissions for its content. It will be showcased here in the next few weeks...stay tuned.
Alex
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